What are you supposed to be, a clown or something? Sometimes.
Early Father's Day post, so that I might end up posting something cheerier on the actual day.
My dad loves a movie from 1994 .. The Crow. I loved it too, but for different reasons. Among them, is that I love the soundtrack, and the actor who plays the villain, Top Dollar, is wonderful in the role. I was into that whole scene when the movie came out, and I was The Crow for a few Halloweens.
My dad loved it for the symbolism. He lost his wife, my mother, that same year, after 20+ years of marriage, to a rare cancer. My dad was 47. Brandon Lee, who starred in the movie, died tragically young while working on the movie when a stunt went wrong. Everything about it resonated with him, as he was the more dark and world-weary person in the couple, as my mom was very positive and tried to find the best in everything.
Dad gave me this. Fifth birthday. He said,
"Childhood's over the moment you know you're gonna die."
And a few months ago, he saw everything that happened to him, play out with his only child, who lost the love of his life suddenly, who'd been together for more than 20 years, and was about the same very age that my dad lost my mom.. And he's very stoic. I honestly haven't had a conversation about this. I don't think he can wrap his head around it. I'm hoping that he will at some point. I'm sure he might have some wisdom to give me. He's been quite distant, and the whole covid-19 this hasn't helped us in the slightest. I honestly have no idea what to say to him either.
I have something to give you. I don't want it anymore. Thirty hours of pain all at once, all for you.
He chose to mourn by dating like 3 months later with someone that my mother knew and considered a friend. I think that helped him because she knew his wife, and would honor the memory, and not pressure him to move on quickly, etc .. I have NO idea what I am going to do. I really want to stay socially distanced anyway at the moment, and what the HELL do I know about modern dating. I stopped that, and figured I'd have no reason to ever do it again when I found the beacon of light back in 1999. I don't think I'm made for tindr or dating apps. We will have to see how life plays out.
Thank you for indulging me with this piece of my heart posting. The caption isn't quite TG, unless you read between the lines, but it goes out to all my sisters that feel like an outcast, that nobody understands them .. there is someone out there for everyone, trust me!
I love you. Say that again. I love you.
But every night I burn, But every night I call your name. Every night I burn, Every night I fall again.