The reading that I've been waiting for, but then again, we always knew the way it would be.
Hadn't really felt the draw to captioning lately. Stuff has been going on that needed me elsewhere, and some of it relates to my beloved, and other parts for those she cared for when she was alive.
And it is truly amazing how things have changed in just a short amount of time, and I wonder what she'd think about the world and the things that have happened. It just seems like a momentous shift each and every day. The apartment remains relatively the same, but I have been doing what I can to adjust to living her alone, and I am trying to figure out what to do with much of her belongings.
I can't keep all of it, like some sort of museum dedicated to her memory .. and I don't know if I should keep things that were important to her, or that were important to my memory of her, or how much of each should remain. I wonder how others deal with this proposition? I am going to probably donate much of her clothing, and keep some to make quilts for myself and close family. Anything of value will probably be put up on ebay or one of those other sites, with the proceeds to go to no-kill animal shelters and groups that support LGBTQ+ youth at a local level.
She had a special box with most of her tarot decks inside, that was right on top of her computer armoire .. she did psychic readings for others at events, but never really did ours .. well, if she did, I honestly don't know of it. I bought her a couple decks, and from time to time, she'd purchase new ones, but she had a few favorites that she'd go back to, like a comfortable pair of slippers.
I am going to keep all of those, along with her grimoires. It's such an integral part of who she was, that I won't part with them, as I believe her spirit is with them. They have stayed where she left them, and I have placed the urn with her ashes right next to the box, along with stuffed animals, jewelry and other things that were near and dear to her.
That got me thinking about what I could post tonight. I went through some tarot artwork, and this one spoke to me, as I pictured her leading me through a dance, with my dress twirling around as we romanced each other through an endless night. It certainly fits in with the blog, so I made it.
I will post again soon with the usual fare, but once again, I thank you for indulging me once again. So many joys and agonies were shared by us, and it's hard to comprehend not having her around to keep my sanity through these dark times that would be so much easier to endure with just a simple smile on her part. This helps me work through these moments, and your support does such wonders as well.
I can picture us dancing to this song. She was a big Kate Bush fan, and I can hear her now, "Oh, so NOW you listen to her! Couldn't give her the time of day when I was alive!" I am sorry, but I just happened to prefer Tori Amos!