She never heard those words, spoken by me. But she didn't have to, or need to.
I've been pretty good lately about being emotional, but pardon me for doing so tonight. Our anniversary is coming up this week, and in the past, it's always been a week off for both the light of my life, and myself. Things are different this year, and will be going forward.
We never really traveled very far, maybe 200 miles away at most, and nothing that was frivolous, overboard, or without meaning. Usually it was something simple .. a getaway from the problems of everyday living, and she appreciated the little things in life.
She collected things like rocks, sea shells, pennies she found on the ground. She always had dog and cat treats and pet the stray cats whenever they came around. When you'd ask "why?" she'd say, "I like things that other people may overlook. Everything has value to somebody." That was her in a nutshell, which she'd probably collect if she wasn't allergic to them! But she cared about everyone, and especially the underdogs and the voiceless.
She had been there, abandoned, treated unfairly and abused, and she wanted to lift everyone else up, the way we had been. She moved in with me with only the clothes on her back, whatever fit in her car, and a hundred dollars given to her by a step-dad .. and with each other, we made a life for ourselves, and along the way we picked up my daughter and another cast-off that I knew .. to become a family .. one that expanded as we snagged other misfits into our orbit.
All of us are still devastated. I get texts all the time telling me of how much they miss her. One person helped me install the air conditioners this weekend since I am incapacitated at the moment. He was proud to do it, and smiled when I showed him the urn her ashes were in. It's very playful and fits her personality so well. Another person had offered their condolences by telling me that he was contemplating suicide when he'd been abandoned by his mother after coming out of the closet, when a random text of hers came to him saying that she was looking forward to seeing him on Christmas Eve, that she had a stocking set aside for him. It got him excited for something, and that made him stop and think about what he was going to do.
So many other stories to tell but I will save them for whenver. It just makes me question why such good souls are taken from us so early, when there is so much evil wandering around? And I always have that doubt, was there something I could have foreseen to have kept her from dying. I know it's stupid to think that, but the brain does what the brain does. And I know that she wouldn't want me to do that. She was always looking for the bright side, and the happy ending .. and even if most people thought something wasn't that good, it was good enough for her. Simple pleasures, warm hearth.
That playful nature, and willingness to see the good in people, will never leave me. I cannot tell you how many times she rolled her eyes at something I said. But she never stopped loving me. And the same for me. I always lifted her up when she was down, and no matter whatever happens in the future, she'll always be with me. Forever and a day.
She loved it when I sang this to her at Karaoke. She'd just sit there with a grin from ear to ear.