Dee-lusions of Grandeur

Hope everyone is having a wonderful Valentine's Day!

.. and if not, you are allowed to shove an arrow straight up Cupid's ass!

Not much to say, but it is definitely a full moon out there. All sorts of mechanical stuff has been acting up all day and giving me a fit! Luckily once I finally got home, I was able to relax a bit until the GF got home from work, and we had a pretty good dinner together followed by a romantic shopping for another snow storm weekend .. Yay?!? I think we are officially sick of snow storms, and we have another one breezing through on Saturday to give us another 4-8 inches plus more on Tuesday. If you are tired of hearing me bitch, give me the keys to an SUV and I'll shut up pronto!

The caption was made back in 2009 and was perhaps an early attempt at the "somewhat oblivious" captions that I like so much, although its probably more of a "hangover" to end all hangovers! I've made quite a few of those throughout the years, and I guess it could be a tribute to the undiagnosed alcoholism I wandered my way thought the 1990's LOL

Now that this is posted, I am going to head offline for a bit, since it *IS* Valentine's Day, in the immortal words of Mr Green ..

.. and after that, I think we're going to watch the movie .. even though she's not my wife!

Its amazing how quickly Pop Culture regurgitates itself!

Wow, I made this one almost 5 years ago. Hard to believe I've been doing this for awhile now. I look at my older work and can still remember many things about where my head was at when I created it.

On this caption I made for SweetCyns8ion, I was playing around with warping text, and I thought the source picture would be a good way to practice. I wanted it bent because most people would NOT have perfect handwriting in a straight line upon a wall, and I wanted it to LOOK realistic, with some ink smears etc. I deliberately let the top be cut off to make it seem like whoever was taking the picture was just a bit off in their centering. Hopefully using some of these tricks gave it a bit more depth than it probably should have had.

Its been five years and apparently the go-to cuties for teens were Zac Efron and Robert Pattinson. That is like a million years ago in Pop Culture land!

Tomorrow is President's Day, and it is a long weekend for many people in the USA. Hopefully you have the day off and can enjoy a relatively snow free day before more gets dumped on you! The above is a favorite of mine and I view it every year around this time, and think of Petra. You can see the original write-up HERE from two years ago.

Unfortunately, many of her best captions disappeared into the void when an server error happened and wiped out about 2 years worth of captions, which the provider didn't happen to back up even though they were supposed to do so. However, I figured I would show off one that I thought was quite fun and shows our humor very well.

We definitely had fun with this one. Steffie replied to this with:

Put on your best dress Petra dear...we're goin out tonight...dinner at Dick and DeeDee Dirkle's...I'm really lookin forward to it. I hear that DeeDee is some cook! Maybe afterward we'll all play a few hands of bridge.

Jillisa made mention that she had seen the same source photo a day before:

That's weird...I saw that JUST YESTERDAY in my Internet surfing.

Petra, I wonder if you and I may have some of the same blog (and branched-from-blog) habits. (But that's all I'll say.)

... and I of course had to chip in as well!

I also saw that picture yesterday while perusing the internet, and my main thought was, "What the HELL is this doing on a lesbian albino porn site?!?" Now I know where Pea gets all her caption ideas!!

Those were the days! Now you don't have to wonder where I get my case of the sillies from when I break out something truly ludicrous and wacky. I learned it from Pea and Steffie and Courtney .. well that, or they are the ones that brought out my natural snarkiness. Either way, I'm glad they did!.

Ok, be honest. How many people just KNEW I'd be posting THIS song today? Show of hands?

Excuse me while I kiss this guy!

I had a lot of fun making this caption, ostensibly for Leda, to whom I owe a caption to. I haven't posted it yet, since its more of a fun little joke than an actual caption, but damn if I didn't have fun making it! As soon as I saw the picture, I was singing along and whipped it up on the spot.

I tried not to give away too much, but what the hell else would I have done with this photo?

By the way, the official title for the last sentence is a Mondegreen, which is a misheard lyric, as referenced by the song lyric misheard before the jump cut, from Purple Haze by Jimi Hendrix. Its one of the most famous ones, along with the "Electric Boobs" of the title and "There's a bathroom on the right," from Credence Clearwater Revival's "Bad Moon Rising". They've become famous, being used as plot devices in sitcoms like Friends and movies like 21 Dresses.

DISCUSSION QUESTION: What are some of your favorite Mondegreens? I am pretty partial to "Every time you go away, you take a piece of meat with you." from a song by Paul Young. What were some song lyrics you heard that you later found out where WAY wrong?

I see a wonderful night at the bar for you in the looking glass!

Made this one for Lyndee's birthday a few years ago. It was a bit of a quickie, but I think it came together really well. I wrote it as a phone message on voice mail. Perhaps Chase should have listened to his messages BEFORE he unwrapped his package, and ow I have a feeling that Lyndee will now be wrapping her friend's package while wearing her new birthday suit.

Its pretty vague about the change, and its another thing I like about it. Those who like a permanent change can imagine that she's stuck like that. Others may think it only works on his birthday, or maybe when he's horny. No matter what, she's blowing something out for her birthday!

And now, onto the submissions for the DIY contest.

First up is Kaitlyn, who submitted this to me in my actual caption trade folder. I enjoy the humor she brings, and its probably about as lighthearted as could be pulled from a photo like this.

.. and then on the other end of the scale is this one from Helena, which is as playful AND as sinister as you can get from the source material .. and I am proud of her since I seem to be rubbing off on her personality wise! LOL I mean, the girl WAS kidding, right? No matter what, I guess you could call this a pre-TG caption moment in time!

This one I like because its sparse word wise, but does much to hopefully invoke your imagination as to what made Trisha that way. I think we all have a good idea, but it directs you towards the finish line but lets you draw your own conclusions.

I didn't think this caption would be that easy, and everyone still really knocked it out of the park. I will have something new on the DIY front within a few days. I have a couple to choose from, and one of them I do have an idea for, but just hadn't had the time to work with it, so it might be fun to see what other ideas people may come up with, since it definitely isn't a standard photo shot!

Girl you're my reflection, all I see is you. My reflection, in everything I do.

But definitely "Made in the USA"!!!

I hadn't made a caption for Totalditz in quite some time, and and was thinking about trying to rectify that when I came across this picture and thought it was perfect for her. She likes to be changed into teenage girls and all the fluff that goes along with it. I looked at the shirt and thought, "what is more American than Apple Pie?" .. "definite the girl-next-door which was exactly what this young lady looked like to me, just innocence in denim shorts.

Since there has been a big debate, and many strides made, within the gay and lesbian community here in the USA over the last year or two, I wanted to reflect the changes that have been going on. It seems like a majority of people are now, at the very least, resolved to the fact that gay marriage WILL become a reality in the next few years, as the judicial system keeps striking down "marriage protection" laws that were passed to try to keep lesbians and gay men from "ruining society".

Anyway, there is a small contingent of people that still like to stir up the pot and picket weddings, funerals, and the like, and sometimes I wonder if they are actually FOR anything, as opposed to AGAINST everything. I use people like this often in my captions, and I have come to the conclusion that perhaps they don't DESERVE the right to be changed how I've changed them .. but the world would probably be changed for the better if I had that magic wand in my hand to do so.

Perhaps what we need is some sort of government program, to mentor these bigots and show the how people different fro their own "culture" can handle the diversity of real life. We just need a bunch of LGBT people to get involved with, "Adopt an Close-Minded Asshole" and at some point, each of these folk will be able to KNOW and UNDERSTAND on a personal level that for the most part, we all share common goals and concerns for our future on this planet.

End of Dee's social commentary for the evening .. now on to a poignant musical selection.

Just a little something I whipped up for the blog.

Hope everyone is having a safe and healthy weekend. We are feeling a bit under the weather, but still hanging in there. Its nice that we haven't seen snow in at least 4 days or so, and won't get hit with anymore until this Wednesday. Goddess bless for small miracles!

Hope you enjoy the blog exclusive caption I made specifically for the blog. I knew that it wouldn't be for a specific person so I was able to throw in a few little curves to keep it interesting. Be sure to comment below if you like it, or if you don't, tell me why you didn't like it!

I have a question about the DIY's that I've been running. I am glad that I have people interested in writing things up and I hope my efforts inspire them to try to make their own someday. I had one in a caption setting that I actually think might be a bit too hard (or odd) to get people to write something for it, and I don't want to have one where nobody posts for it.

So my question would be ... do you like the way they are set up now and what changes, if any, would you suggest? Do you want big challenges, or just something semi-basic that jogs a story out of you?

For now, I give you something simpler, and due to having the text be ON the picture, you needed come up with gobs and gobs of words. A few sentences of dialog from each blonde, or 5-6 sentences of story should suffice!if you do want them to have dialog, mark it up like "LEFT BLONDE: what is going on here? RIGHT BLONDE: How am I supposed to know? YOU bought the spell!" so I know how to place what you wrote on the picture.

Of course, you are welcome to put your own text on it if you'd like, as Kaitlyn did for the last DIY contest we did. We are all pretty flexible here!

RIP Bob Casale. You will be missed in the music world!

When reality and magic meet, could you really believe?

This was another one of those captions I made without anyone in mind, and the idea I had didn't really lead to me giving it to someone. In the past, I'd probably have just let it go and skipped to something else, but now that I have a blog .. why not flesh it out and see where it takes me?

I think it does raise a question as to how much suspension of disbelief we have in our everyday lives. When something doesn't make sense, do we just ignore in until we can forget, or do we try to use reason to quantify what forces are really in play. The transformation is fairly standard for a TG caption, and seems a bit commonplace. However, if you happened upon a fairly attractive woman in the male bathroom of a bar, would you believe her story that she was a man? Would you even let her tell you the story at all? Assuming she got THAT far, would you try to help her?

If I was 21 again, I'd have left her alone, figuring she was likely insane or on drugs, and head back to the bar to find someone more sober to pick up. However, by the time I was 23, I'd probably have stopped and chatted, etc ... since it doesn't seem like an average, ordinary situation to be in, and I was all about living varied and bizarre experiences. Its around that time I was friendly with a Dominatrix (not as a customer. I definitely couldn't afford her hourly fee!) some polygamous couples, many libertines, and lived a somewhat Eyes Wide Shut life for a bit over a year.

Once I hit my late 20's, I'd probably have tried to help this poor girl as best I could, since by then I was already with my current girlfriend, had almost full-time custody of my daughter, stopped drinking, and was in the mental health field. And of course, if I could've found out any of her secrets, I'd have passed them along to all of you!

So, let me know how you would have reacted to this scenario, and any comments about this caption will also be much appreciated since its a blog exclusive.

I made up the title when posting it to Felicia, and it seemed to work for it!

Honestly, I really like this one a lot, but its sort of built on a non sequitur that seems like something that would've been written for Burns and Allen back in the 1950's. I had the photo set up in the caption setting and I was feeling a, "I have a headache" vibe from it, so I just played around with some dialog in my head that got me to where the new mother was going to dress him in a corset.

Somewhere around a minute of dialog later, I thought, "but she's already wearing one in the picture, and I don't want the picture to be AFTER the step-mom put it on her, as she has the headache already!" and I answered it with my bimbo Dee-Dee voice, "she's going to get her a tighter one silly!"

Usually she isn't that logical, but she had a point. The step-mom was going to get her into a tighter corset and make her even more feminine no matter what Felicia said. She just punctuated it with a punchline. Something tells me that Felicia will better understand her thought processes much easier the more time she spends as her daughter.

Its also more fun to read the mother's voice as Natasha's from Rocky and Bullwinkle.

There is so much subtlety in being a woman!

Made this one for Sarine Davis (aka Belladonna) as a nice little quickie to let her know I was thinking about her. I knew she'd love the photo I found, and I think she liked the story I wrapped around it.

Its something I've noticed over time that I do think is a truism .. the wild accessory to the outfit that says, "I'm much freakier than what I'm projecting!" Usually men only get to really be creatively stylish with their neck ties. Women can show their individuality with earrings, brooches or pins, a scarf, jewelry, belt, hosiery, or shoes. My girlfriend is pretty casual, mostly in jeans and T-shirts, but she loves weird socks and interesting earrings. My daughter is still young enough that she'll wear blingy hair accessories and 80's type sunglasses.

Thankfully I've learned to read women better. Not that it actually helps me that much anymore, but it certainly keeps me from having to sleep on the couch, and usually keeps the teenage histrionics to a minimum. Its also fun to watch the body language between younger men and women (early 20's) at a club, bar or restaurant and guess the situation. Is it a first date, just friends that haven't seen each other in awhile, or holy shit, she's playing footsie with his crotch!

This song is awesome to play live, especially if you've got a somewhat drunk crowd out in the audience. When I was with the country band, if we had the rowdy folk on the dance floor, we'd break out the more rocking type songs, and this was one that I would take lead vocal on, following it up with "Tush" by ZZ Top.

or its a long life ahead for him!

Made this one a few years ago for Feargas, who liked being trapped in pregnancy, from what I can remember. This is an example of what I can do when I have to stick basically to what the person is looking for in their preferences, which since this was my one and only caption for them, I didn't really go out on any limbs making it for her. I'm kind of "meh" about it myself. Perhaps fans of pregnancy captions will enjoy this one, as its got a lovely picture, but in 2014, I am not really sure I'd make this caption. I would probably take my time and see if I could come up with a better reason to make a pregnancy caption before attempting it.

Thank you to everyone that visited the blog this month. Even though its the shortest month of the year, I once again had the most page hits ever. I should have some time on Saturday morning, and probably Monday if the snow storm hits and I end up staying home, so goddess permitting, I'll have so new kick ass captions to melt your screen and make those panties moist! I have a few already set up to come down the pike so stick around .. I want March to be even better!

I need some new music to listen to. I feel like I haven't really given stuff from the last few years a fair shake, so give me some recommendations you think I'd like. I mean, one of my favorite new albums of last year was 13 by Black Sabbath, and I kinda KNEW about them before! LOL Vampire Weekend's disc was OK, and the new Arcade Fire was very good. Goes without saying that the New NIN was also great. These are all bands I've heard of before. Make some suggestions and I'll honestly give them a shot!

Either way, there IS an issue afoot!

I was rooting around, deep into my d'archives, and found this picture I think I saved almost 10 years ago. It was a small set, from dressed to undressed, and it was pleasant enough but hadn't really struck me with anything until today, when I was giving it a bit more of a look. I had never noticed that the schoolbooks she had were for a GED, aka General Educational Development, is what you get if you don't get a high school diploma due to dropping out, or other issues. That gave me an angle, and honestly, the whole punch line came to be right there.

It took me about 3-5 minutes to actually write a story around that punchline, and I hope I made it come around to a complete circle. Kaitlyn is a sweet person, and in my head, he would pick on someone with a learning disability (perhaps she blew her evaluator to give her that prognosis?) so I got to wipe out that possible sin on his part AND trap him in her body/persona at the same time! Seems like a win-win to me .. don't you think so?

I left it open as to who changed him. Could've been the girl's mom or dad, or perhaps the principal or school board. I don't think it really mattered overall. It also could've been magic or technology, depending on how you'd like to view it. I actually don't think I've asked this before, but, do you like it better when the caption is more vague about the details, or do you want everything to be pinned down for you? I wonder this because when writing this one, I wasn't really concerned about the who and how .. and as such I didn't really have an intention either way on those details.

Let me know what you think. Comments are welcome, and I'm still looking for more suggestions as to recent music I might like but have missed somehow!

or maybe I really AM a bitch!

This caption was for Elysia, aka the former Argus that so many people would recognize under that name. She mentioned wanting captions with a "corrupted by clothing" sort of vibe. I've read a few stories like that, and enjoy them but there is only so much you can do with clothing touches you and now you have big tits. I wanted something a bit more subtle, and that is what you get here.

If you can't tell, over the next year, the clothes are going to make him into a bitchy, domme type woman, with the definite training that Dee will be giving him. I mean, how is a bra supposed to fit you properly if you don't have large enough breasts yet to fill them! Such a nice little trap to spring on someone so honorable they would live up to the dare, no matter what the consequences .. though I'm sure if he actually heard her he might not have even gone through it the first time!

I love the source photo, and I wanted to make sure the story was a good match. I went with a much more simplistic textural background as I didn't want to take any undue attention from the picture, and in a deliberate design choice, made a yin-yang red/black counterpoint between the two. Not sure how many people would notice it right away, but I did do it that way. Among other reasons of aesthetics, it draws your eyes back to the focal point of her heels, which leads you up to the rest of her. Its also why I didn't crop the top of the picture at all. It could be considered superfluous, but to me, it was perfectly composed into thirds. The top being that red color swath, the lower part where her heels are most prominent, and the middle which contained everything else. It was so perfectly composed and balanced, I didn't want to upset the apple cart.

I'll be back again tomorrow or Wednesday, goddess willing. Anyone looking to get in on the DIY challenge, the deadline to enter will be this Sunday.

Magic shouldn't be a substitute for good parenting!

I made this one for Demisword last weekend and it was a lot of fun to make. The picture was very colorful and dynamic, with a relatively pleasing model dressed in a fun outfit. Sometimes I like to let loose with some of my extended vocabulary when I have space to do so, and it seemed to fit in with the direction I wanted to move the plot towards, though I didn't go over the top. I enjoy placing the Haven into the plot line, however it is needed, and giving friends a cameo appearance is a blast. And I received a wonderful response from Demisword that will always pump up my tires .. "I did enjoy it! Thank you very much Dee. I have been a fan of your caps for a while so it is an honor to receive one from you." I am not above giving people brownie points, as it can definitely keep you off the shit list!
Last of all, I think I came up with a really good title for the caption, which doesn't always happen!

I started writing up a paragraph about parenting, but truthfully, there is no one way to do it, and often we wish our own parents had treated us differently, so perhaps there is actually no right way at all. Life is a challenge, and our developmental years fuck us up no matter how well-adjusted we think we are ... those times in the middle of the night when you can't sleep, your worst fears and insecurities come rushing out to make you a miserable ball of confusion. Your parents tried there best, and you'll do the same thing for yours. Perhaps teaching them that everyone has hang ups and helping them come up with suitable coping mechanisms for the existential dread we all confront is the best way to let them know you care.

As I get close to my deceased mother's birthday, and within the next few weeks, the 20th anniversary of her death, I wonder if (1) my life would've turned out different if she'd be around longer to keep me on an even keel, and (2) if she was watching me now, what she think would of how my life turned out. The thing is though, I cannot separate those two thoughts. My current life is a product of how I dealt with her very untimely departure (I am about to reach the age she was when she died) and the choices I made once she passed on. I am relatively comfortable with who I am, regardless of how I got here, and I know that I wouldn't be in this spot if she were alive. Perhaps I'd be a sufferable asshole that was handed everything without having to have earned it . who knows? I've definitely had those moments when I was younger! It does make me feel a bit selfish though, because while I wouldn't want to change who I am now, I feel like my daughter got cheated by not having a sane and loving Grandmother. She still has her Great-grandmother, my mom's mother, but she lives far away and only comes around a month every year .. and its still quite a generation gap.

Sorry I went serious on everyone. Just started typing and voooosh, it came out. March can be a rough month so it's bound to give me some mood swings from time to time. We'll be back again with some more cheerful TG goodness!

Sneaking out or sneaking in? That sounds like a caption I haven't written yet!

I wanted to write a "clean caption" for Courtney Captisa, of Courtney's Clean Caps fame. I used one cuss word and only referred to a boners in a passing way, though I guess it could be read that she needed to get him to cum in his pants, or whatever idea your dirty little minds can come up with! I was only going for a boner! Its such a cute picture and I wanted to give it a cute story to go with it, as if it was specifically written for her website. Hell, if she wants, she can post it there if the site has a dry spell of postings from her and her collaborators.

If this caption seems to be a bit like the last one, well, yes, it has the same topic of boarding schools. Sometimes, you can get into a frame of mind in writing up a story, that it ends up giving you other ideas based on the same topic. I had just finished "A Bad Seed Makes for Fertile Garden" when I thought to myself, "What if someone that was enrolled there tried to escape?" I tried to think about that old TV show, Facts of Life, and the stunts that they would pull. From there I figured it might be more of a twist if I played off everyone thinking that the girl was trying to escape, when actually she was trying to fit in more with other students that were further along. Its always easier to try to fit in than trying to buck the system, especially when you know what the penalties are. Sink further into femininity through forced means, or at least try to do it on your own terms.

That was the basics of the idea, and I went hunting for a photo to fit what I was trying to write. Once I found this image, I let the details of it color the story. With a curtsey, an iron and stone wall behind her, and some shade, it definitely had what I needed to flesh out the story in my head, without having to whitewash any of the pictures elements away. It was good enough that I probably would've come up with the same story if I had the picture saved first.

I had a little discussion about this caption the other day with Simone. I wondered if she ever felt like it was being lazy a bit when we write a caption, and just sort of keep the setting the same, and write a different version of the same story. I understand that it does have major differences (the mother is the magic user in the "Bad Seed" caption, not sure if magic was used or more normal techniques in this one, etc ..) but it still "feels" the same in some ways. I guess you could say I was being efficient, getting two captions from the same general idea, but does that take something away from both captions, or either the first or the second .. when you sort of use the same starting point in the creativity portion of the work? We never really came up with a definitive answer, and I'm not sure if I know the answer with any sort of authority. So, what do you think?

The force was strong with this one!

Made this one almost five years ago! Getting long in the tooth here as a captioner! LOL Polecat has been around about as long as I have, so we have made quite a few captions for each other. Nick definitely liked having his persona fight changes, so I tried to lay that one him as best I could, engaging in both a mixture of magic and hypnosis, which also happens to be a few of Nick's hot buttons. He also had mentioned that he liked Faith as a model, and this picture inspired the magical part of the storyline. Because of all those things, Nick really liked the caption,

I hope everyone had a great weekend. We had such wonderful weather, I was walking around in shirt sleeves from Friday through Sunday, including the GF and I hitting a flea market. I snagged a few vintage games for my Sega Dreamcast, and the GF found some interesting rocks and jewelry.

However, it looks like some more snow and possible ice storms are heading our way again! I guess its nice that the snow is just about gone now before we get more but UGGHHH!! That's right, I am complaining about the weather! LOL I am sure you'll hear me doing this again in July when its incredibly hot out so yeah! Why can't I find a place to live that is like 40-75 degrees year round?

Over the next week or two, I am going to highlight CD's that to me are highly desert island discs. You know the kind .. if you had an mp3 player and an infinite battery pack, these would be CD's that you would bring with you to survive 5-10 years or whatever. They are some of my favorites, and still interest me greatly. I guess it will depend if they are actually up on Youtube in their entirety, so if now, I'll try to throw a few links to song highlights. If you don't want to listen, that is fine with me .. but if you wish to get inside of Dee's brain a bit, it wouldn't hurt to play them through from beginning to end. You know you want to baby!

Here is the first .. Angel Rat by Voivod. I love quite a few of their albums, and Nothingface is probably my favorite, but this disc has such a diverse musical landscape and virtuoso performances, I had to include this one, Besides, not everyone is a metal head, so this is a bit less harsh. Like the New England weather, if you don't like the music, wait a minute, and it will change. Since they are French Canadian, and English wasn't a first language, the vocals in places (moreso in their earlier ear-ripping mode) sound alien and jarring, which adds to the effect of shifting time and key signatures. It was rumored that one of the musicians was in a coma as a child, and apparently he was in some sort of parallel universe in his mind. Many of the stories inside have wormed their way into the music.

I won't do this for all the others, but if you liked Angel Rat, or if you like heavier music, here is a link to the Nothingface CD. One of Voivod's biggest fan's is Dave Grohl of Nirvana / Foo Fighters. When he did a metal side project back in 2004 called Probot, he got the singer to do vocals for one of the tracks he specifically wrote for him. Probot is another great CD to check out!

I should be back on Tuesday with another caption and desert island CD!

Shut the fuck up Donny!

Just a little quickie for some fun. People often wonder what happens when Simone and I let loose some aggro on a weekend and end the evening tits up until sunrise. I think the body count usually ends up around 5-8, maybe more if Simone's ragging big time! and Goddess forbid if someone steps over the foul line when we bowl!

Saw this picture the other day and said, "that rug really ties the room together," and viola, I had a inspiration for a Lebowski wink and a nod. Just harmless amusement for me that hopefully gives everyone reading a good chuckle. BTW, the title comes from a television edit of The Big Lebowski which had the original line, "This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!" I'll have more goodness posted tomorrow!

Speaking of posts,, Holy shit snacks! This blog had 10k hits on Monday! I believe the most we'd ever gotten in a 24 hour time frame was 8800 or so, and was I ever amazed! Especially for a caption that was almost 5 years old. Maybe it was the subject matter, or people like the model big-time. I'm pretty sure it wasn't for my "desert island CD" lists ;)

Its hard to come up with one definitive album from Nick Cave, because like his hero, Johnny Cash, you pick and choose by your current mood. Profanely beautiful and Beautifully profane, the music sucks you in like a old time tent revival meeting. I chose Murder Ballads because he reaches into the past from our musical folklore, and lays it bare, unvarnished and unwashed. You feel like you need a tetanus shot about 10 minutes in, but like a campfire story of a serial killer with a red, right hand ( the official song is not actually on this album!) you cannot stop listening, compelled to absorb every single tidbit he dishes out. The first cut is more of a recitation sound poem, but it sets up the rest of the CD fairly nicely, which is book-ended with a slice of soul redemption originally written by Bob Dylan, but until then, every possible sin will be confessed to the heavens.

Bonus cuts:

One from the true man in black .. Delia's Gone

The two men recorded two duets together. This one and "Cindy".

Oh well, Caitlyn seems to have a handle on the situation!

Made this one a few years ago for my dear friend, Caitlyn. I believe the model is Bianca B.and I approve when models show that they care about hygiene and being as clean as a whistle! As a note, its a multi-part body suit and Calvin apparently was wearing crotchless panties!

Be careful taking your kids to see Frozen by Disney. Apparently there are people out there that believe its a way for society to indoctrinate children to the gay lifestyle through a relatively charming animated feature film. Believe me, knowing how boys can be as teenagers, I was trying my damnedest to influence my daughter to be a lesbian, but she kept falling for guys! She only dated one girl and that lasted just a few weeks. I mean, how can she go against her parents wishes and be attracted to members of the opposite sex! I guess she was just born that way and there is nothing I can do to influence her sexual social behaviors. Live and learn!

Besides, like that would really work. I watched Bosom Buddies in syndication all the time, went to see Rocky Horror Picture Show every weekend at Midnight, loved "To Wong Fu" and thought Eddie Izzard was quite charming .. and look how I turned out! These people need to really get a clue!

For the desert island series, I sort of tied it into the caption .. a redhead that I was massively in love with in the early 90's. She was friends with Trent Reznor and hung out with Neil Gaiman, even having a character in Sandman based on her. Come to find out, she's quite the flake, but damn was she cute back in the day. To me, this disc is much more tolerable than anything Sarah McGlaughlin has ever put out, and one of the only Lilith Faire generation of female acts I seem to still care about. There is much depth here, and the lyrics were poetic for their time period, especially on the pop charts where she scored a few hits. Beyond those, the mood goes from playful ("Happy Phantom") to downright harrowing / chilling ("Me and a Gun") and sometimes its good to wear your emotions on your sleeve. And if you see her perform, her gyrations are pretty much masturbatory, a sexual release where the piano stool is the female equivalent of the predatory, phallic lead guitar.

Well, I figured I would change things up a bit with the last two CD's. I mean, I have a ton of punk and metal CD's but I'd like to show I'm more than just that .. plus I don't want people to tune out before I'm done cataloging all my favorites!

This is how it works right? Sharing a common interest will always bring spouses even closer together. Perhaps sharing a closet will help that matrimonial bond even more than sports!

Made this one for Dalene, with a picture that Hayley posted for her weekly caption contest. I was going to submit it, but since its now a voting contest, I decided I didn't want to enter it. I figure that either (a) I win, and its not fair because I've been doing this for quite some time now, or (b) I lose, and then question whether I'm still good enough and wonder if I should've advertised people to come vote for me, blah blah blah. So anyway, I posted it here, and I will probably send it to her as a non-voting entry to make life a whole lot easier for everyone! If you want to create your own caption and see if its good enough to win, head over to her site and snag the photo and caption away!

Sorry I haven't been around much, but I've started to do so spring cleaning around the apartment, making some repairs and cleaning out the closet. I have so many cassettes, CD, and VHS tapes that are just sitting in huge plastic bins. I don't really know why I'm saving them other than the fact that they probably aren't worth anything anymore! I was on a hunt for my Saturn and Dreamcast games, and have yet to find them, but I still have another 14 plastic bins to look through. Lots of memories in those bins too, and its good to relive a bunch of my life while sorting through mementos, photos et al. even though I probably should've be such a hoarder. I've boiled down 8 bins to 5 bins so I am moving stuff out the door, but its hard to throw away the past even though you know you aren't going to need any of it in the future. If I owned a house, preferably a large one, I wouldn't have to do this, but at a certain point in time, you really do need to keep things simple in an apartment.

For some reason, there are no complete Concrete Blonde CD's on youtube, so I will post some of my favorites. I followed them early on, when I first heard, "Still in Hollywood" back when I used to tape Night Flight on USA network. My parents wouldn't let me stay up, but they let me put in a VHS tape and record the whole thing and I'd listen to it on Sunday since I had a VHS player in my room (actually I had 2 because we found a used one so I would save the stuff I liked onto another tape and just reuse the 1st one each week.) I found so many cool songs and groups, like The Residents, Laurie Anderson, Suicidal Tendencies, and a really young Red Hot Chili Peppers who had just made a video for "True Men Don't Kill Coyotes".

I bought their debut on cassette from Bradlees that day. The rest of the songs weren't as punky as "Still in Hollywood" but her voice did, and still continues to give me chills when I hear her sing. Johnette just has a voice that is so seductive and emotional that you can't ignore it.

This song is of course their main hit, and probably set them up for a crash, as they never really were made for the radio, especially the radio that was around in 1990-1992. They had a chance when Nirvana broke through, but more of the meat-headed bands broke through Kurt's wake, and Concrete Blonde were always a bit more subtle musically, though they still could stomp around.

Honestly, they were just too good for the mainstream, who didn't deserve them, although they really did deserve all the accolades anyone could heap upon them.

Their cover of a Leonard Cohen song, "Everybody Knows" is a classic, and its quite memorable in on of my favorite movies as a youth, "Pump Up the Volume" which starred Christian Slater. Its amazing that I sort of see the parents side much more now than when I was a teenager, but the movie still affects me to this day, since it never tried to solve anything, but just made you think.

She still tours occasionally as Concrete Blonde, and its a bucket list concert for me, since she doesn't seem to tour the east coast that much. She had a band called, "Pretty and Twisted" with the guitarist from Wall of Voodoo after Concrete Blonde had broken up, and its just as good as Concrete Blonde ever was. Not sure why it only put out one album.

Hopefully this last one will show up as it wouldn't let me load it through blogger's uploading video mechanism. That song just sends chills up my spine every time I hear it.

So, if you can search it out yourself, Bloodletting is the most consistent CD, but I would recommend pretty much every album they put out, and hunt down the "Greatest Hits" or "Best of" compilations too. My actual favorite is called, "Still in Hollywood" and it collects many B-sides, covers, and live versions. This band is one of those that really shaped the Dee part of me when I was young. I can't put words to why, but it just feels like Dee in musical format.

Sometimes you need to focus on truly important things!

Made this one for Terri about 2 weeks ago. Its interesting for me, because for once, the title of the caption came to me before I fleshed out the story. When I saw the photo, the title is what came right into my mind, and I knew I had something with a hook. Everything *IN* the picture is shiny or distracting so you know that the bimbo is going to be trapped.

Of course, what sort of person WOULD end up being trapped? I would think it would be most likely an overachiever that usually used their laser beam focus on winning, conquering, and doing it at ruthlessly as possible .. aka your typical businessman alpha male. You can picture that type just talking about women in a degrading fashion, and it wouldn't be out of place for that guy to say out loud, "Only bimbos are distracted by shiny things!"

Of course, that is one of the true ways to be hypnotized, through intense concentration. I think it is why I am not good at falling into trance, especially when its a pre-recorded bit. I can't sit still, and I can't focus on anything too much without wandering off to another topic. Most inductions are just paths that are made to get people to focus on mundane things and somehow misdirect you to focus on exactly what the hypnotist wants you to be thinking about, and then a series of goals they wish to implant. I tend to get behind all of that, because, "make sure to focus on your breathing, in .. and out, breathe in .. and out. Now let your mind drift to ... " dammit, now I am not breathing the way you wanted me too, lets see if I can get back to , "in .. and out." while the recording it prattling on about counting down from 100 to 1 .. and I only get there somewhere around 77, and by then they are giving you something else to do, and I hear a car door outside, and .. I am awake again! So far, the best I can do is possibly fall asleep but it definitely wasn't because the recording told me to do so!

I guess its why I'm better at running an office than I am at doing one specific job. I went to college for Computer Science (specifically programming, big shock eh?) but I don't think I'm made out for generating code 8-14 hours a day. I'd much rather put out "office fires"and keep things moving smoothly by accomplishing 78 different tasks each day, trying not to repeat any of them more than once, or it'll be old hat the second time around. Distractions make my life easier to live.

Anyway, I think the secret to success is to be able to pinpoint and refine a series of actions, and learn to do it better than most anyone else, and that takes focus!

While Iron Maiden's first 4 albums are very good to excellent, they never had complete focus until Powerslave, mostly due to a smattering of band members arriving and leaving, often at the same time. This CD is the first time they'd done two albums in a row with the same group of 5 members, and it shows how well entrenched they are and firing on all cylinders. The same lineup also produced the double live recording, "Live After Death" on the World Slavery Tour after producing this CD, and I think its the best live album even made.

That being said, this CD does have a loose concept in that most of the songs seem to invoke an epic quest, whether to be the best warrior, fighter pilot, pharaoh, or sailor (Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner) and how perhaps we all fall short. It has a running time of 53 minutes and only 8 songs, so you know they pack in a bunch of dynamically exciting changes to keep the listener on the edge of their seat. Most album's have filler, but other than perhaps a bit of the slow part in ROTAM, everything feels essential and nothing feels forced. I can't think of another piece of music that seems so majestic!

Then in addition to the actual music, you get another wonderful Derek Riggs album cover and back side, which can takes months to decode. That makes it a wondrous desert island album because you can stare at it for a long time and then still find something you hadn't seen before.

And talk about commercial success. This album actually hit the top 40 in America. Back before there was such a thing as Soundscan, It was pretty unheard of for a metal album to have any sort of chart success. It was only a year before that Quiet Riot had hit number one, and that wasn't exactly the same sort of metal that this slab of beef was. If Iron Maiden hadn't put out this album, Metallica would've had at least a few more years of underground experience before they hit it big as well.

Trivia: Iron Maiden was played on the 1st hour of videos that MTV ever broadcast .. the 16th song played .. and the fitth act to have a second song broadcast (Rod Stewart, Reo Speedwagon, Pat Benetar, and Styx being the first four.) All told, they were played FIVE times within the first 200 videos ever played on Music Television.

At least its not an Xbox One. I mean, no one owns one of those, right?

Made this one for Elise on the Haven, who of course would love to look like this. The model is hella cute, and he won't have to be stuck like that ALL the time, right? Well, perhaps depending on how much the gamer tags come into play! Besides, How much did it cost in preparation to be Elise for the night anyway? Something tells me that Jeff has done something like this before, and in a way, Steve might be helping out a bit. And the least that Jeff could do is be wearing pants when Elise arrived!

I think I'll wrap up the desert island CD's with one or two more as I think its run its course.

Here is one that is just all flash and lots of substance underneath. Once again I'm not finding a complete album on Youtube so I'll post clips as I go along.

A song cycle devoted to teenage sex and rebellion sung with bombast by a 300 pound man-beast in a Wagnerian Opera. Probably the only way it would ever have been released is during the 1970's for fuck's sake I am so glad it did come out. Over the top .. fuck yeah! This one goes to 11!

I get the whole "fuckin' around my senior year of high school in the 1980's" vibe so much more from this album than any hundred Kid Rock's "All Summer Long". In my first car, I had a cassette of this album in my case, and if the girl you were with asked to her this, it was guaranteed that within an hour, you'd be down a dirt road in the woods heading towards, "Paradise by the Dashboard Light"!! No girl wanted to make out to Nirvana's "Nevermind" trust me!

And even now, doing a Meatloaf song, if you can handle the vocals, gets everyone psyched. If a woman asks you to sing a song by Meatloaf, she's also yours for the taking. Of course, at this point in time, its my long time girlfriend, but if you are shy, but can sing, Meatloaf songs will still get you booty. Sing "Two Out of Three Ain't bad" right before closing time and you'll seal the deal!

What made it so awesome is the marriage of Jim Steinman's songs and Meatloaf's presence. I love many of Steinman's songs, but Meatloaf tends to do them better than anyone else. "Making Love Out of Nothing at All" would've been so much better if Meatloaf had done it. And honestly, there aren't that many good Meatloaf songs written by other people.

Yeah, a Jim Steinman song sung by Meatloaf and Cher. Hell, now that I'm thinking about this, its a shame that Cher never did a Steinman album! Oh well!

Sweets to the Sweet! Happy Valentine's Day!

Can You Read the Writing on the Wall?

She's Got Electric Boobs .. Blah Blah Blah!

A mirror from SRU .. what could possibly go wrong? and DIY results!

Not Quite "Born on the Fourth of July" !!

Not Just Outlaws Use Guns! .. and new DIY contest!

The Realities of Magic!

Trying to Wrap Your Mind Around .. Your Waist!

A Sharp Learning Curve

Tonight Better Be the Night!

Maybe There IS Another Underlying Issue .. or Is It Underlaying?

Maybe I'm bitchy Because You Don't Listen to Me!

A Bad Seed Makes for a Fertile Garden!

Don't Let Ms. Mentia Find You Leaving the School Grounds!

Wedding Ring Around the Collar!

This Is What Happens When You Find a Stranger in the Alps!

Red Heads Don't Pay Attention ... Right? Huh?

She's Not a Hoop Widow This Year!

Only Bimbos Are Distracted by Shiny Things!

Elise's Big Gaff(e)!!